We all probably heard this phrase once or twice in our lives: “you have nothing to fear but the fear itself”. And in today’s post I am going to talk a little bit about why that is, why the fear feeds itself and becomes bigger than necessary, at times too big to handle boxing us in unable to move in either direction.
I have found myself lately feeling like a bit of a broken record during therapy. In a good way. It just strikes me as interesting how this subject has been prevalent and how many times I explained the mysterious ways our brain works to my clients.
The story is as old as times. Our brain, in its infinite wisdom, works against us possibly about 90% of the time, if not more. How so many wonder. The original brain in the first humans was much smaller, its only function was to keep us alive by all means. It was quite literally wired to be on the lookout for danger. And danger was EVERYWHERE. While we, the humans, had very little means to protect ourselves.
What does that mean for us in the here and now? It means that survival instinct is the hardest to shake. Yes, we have evolved past having to defend ourselves with a stick. But the second there is any potential danger, even if it is just perceived, the brain instantly jumps into protection mode. Which means the amygdala, that hazard light part of our brain, lights up raising the levels of adrenalin so we can remain alert and cautious. The brain thrives in this environment. It will try and inflate the importance of having to be alert and reactive. It will try and make more things in your surroundings appear threatening just to make sure you get the message. For a lot of us it will create a feeling of confusion, a feeling of anxiety, a feeling of dread even. We may not be able to communicate exactly why we are feeling off centre, or explain why we have a shorter fuse all of a sudden, or understand why suddenly everything is darker and we feel more upset.
Not to point fingers or anything, but, hey, the culprit is in fact your brain.
It enjoys feeling needed. It enjoys knowing that it will keep you safe and alive.
And yes, if you have read this far, I feel your frustration, I really do! How are we supposed to function properly if our own brain works against us?
The answer is both simple and complex. There is this concept of “neuroplasticity”, which possibly sounds clinical, medical even. What it means in lamest terms is this – our brains have the capacity to adapt and change, they are malleable. And here comes the wonderful part – we can trick our brains into happiness and peace.
I cannot promise you that you will from now on be happy a 100% of the time. Neuroplasticity is rather magical, but not a cure-all. Nothing is.
What you can do when you consistently trick your brain into being comfortable and feeling safe, is achieve a healthier balance between the good and the bad, lessen the fear, make it feel less crippling.
How do I do that you ask? How do I trick my brain? Simple!
By practising gratitude on a daily basis – noticing the smallest of good things that happen to you or because of you, acknowledging them, even celebrating them occasion permitting.
You can keep a gratitude journal, or you can say 3-5 things you are happy about as you unwind and fall asleep at night. You can ask for compliments or start giving them to yourself.
You can shift the focus and your perspective ever so slightly – for example, instead of berating yourself for missing a day at the gym, you will say something like: “I could not make it to the gym today, but I walked to and from work” or “I did not make it to the gym today, but I was able to do some yoga at home”. You follow me?
Change the narrative of your self-talk from “did not” to “did do”.
In addition, what also helps in tricking your brain into submission, so to speak, is doing the silly little things like making your face smile for a minute even if there is nothing funny or pleasurable happening. Some people opt to laugh out loud for a few moments. Others like to enhance their self-confidence by standing in a super-hero pose for a few minutes before important events or confronting conversations.
Reach out if you would like to keep this conversation going and find out more ways you can feel balanced and at peace with yourself
